The Musings of

Something full of magic, religion, bullsh*t.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Desperation is a stinky cologne.

I've been watching the "Tookie" Williams clemency scramble with a detached interest. More of an "Mmmmm" than a "Wow!" or even a "really?" I have a hard time getting worked up about a former gang-affiliated bad guy who's going to take the big sleep for killing four people. (BTW, if you are going to go by the name Tookie in the 'hood, I imagine you pretty much have to look like this.)

What I couldn't seem to figure out is why there are people who are out there spending precious P.R. time fighting this (deservedly) losing fight. OK, so the people are Snoop Dogg and Jamie Foxx, but wouldn't even their time be more of a benefit to humanity if they were doing roadside clean-up. Of course, all of this grandstanding is keeping both the aforementioned from recording new music and/or comedy, so I suppose their is some public good being filled here.

I still don't know what the hell the deal is with saving the Ol' Took (no relation to Peregrin), but I do recognize the tactics being used. The pro-Tookers are basing their whole argument on the following premise: Tookness was a "really bad guy" -- the founder of the Crips (false) -- who has come to realize the error of his ways (false: he still refuses to accept responsibility for his crimes), and who now writes books encouraging the kiddies not to, you know, thug life, and to presumably eat their vegetables. Oh, and I think I heard mention 5,000,000 times somewhere that the Tookster was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize (which, I believe, requires a $30 registration fee and proof of Earth citizenship).

This is a redemption story, a bad boy sees the light tale, a morality play dreamed up by people in Hollywood who have no morals, this is, for those of us familiar with little league sports, the Most Improved Player Award. That's right, you remember the MIP -- it was usually reserved for the most dysfunctional player on the team who had no skill whatsoever, yet played with heart. The idea is that we are willing to reward improvement, so perhaps going from "really bad" to "almost human" is enough to save the Tookman from the smell of sulfur and the felling of flames tickling his buttocks for another few years.

I respect the MIP move. I utilized it in college to get one of my few passing grades. In archery. See, on the first day of class, the professor announced that there would be a letter grade bump for the MIP. So, naturally, I tanked the first couple of weeks and then magically improved every week there after until I had scored my MIP. And therein lies the rub. The best way to be a MIP is to REALLY SUCK at the outset and improve to average. This doesn't mean much to you or I, but it makes for an interesting argument for Tooker T. Washington.

So there you go people. If this little scam had worked, the lesson would be clear: if you're going to do a crime, do it BIG so that you can show improvement in the 40-odd years it will take your @#$% death penalty case to come to fruition. Don't just kill your parents, but strangle a few kittens in the process. Maybe beat up a nun. The whole idea is to set a low bar here so that your "improvement" will be impressive. You don't even have to use it exclusively with crime. Every company, church softball team, and surgical team needs an MIP. So aim low.

Hell, it's worked for me over the past 30 years.
Centinel 3:00 PM #


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