The Musings of

Something full of magic, religion, bullsh*t.

Monday, December 19, 2005

And who are you, the Disco Plumber?

I sometimes miss important events and trends, so I need a question answered -- Is there some sort of hygiene problem associated with plumbers? I mean, are plumbers particularly poor bathers (which would only be the slightest bit ironic, if at all)? Specifically, do they smell worse than other professions or the public at large?

The reason I ask is that I'm driving into work today on I-"KillMeNowBecauseIHaveToCommute8,000MilesADay," when I come up on this somewhat large-ish, nicely painted plumber's truck with this stirring motto painted across the back: "Our Plumbers Don't Smell Bad . . . and They Show Up On Time, Too!"

I don't believe I've ever had a problem with my plumbing (knock on wood), so I've never had to seek the services of a plumber. Is this a problem endemic to the field? If not, couldn't the company come up with a better motto? Because, while I believed that plumbers smelled rather like the general public before I saw the truck, now I have this creeping suspicion that plumbers smell "like a used diaper filled with Indian food."

The implications of the motto aside, aren't there other benefits that plumbers could be touting? I say this because most companies that decide to come up with their own catchy slogan end up celebrating "features" and not "benefits." This is important to everyone, whether you're selling your plumbing services to a jaded public without the benefit of consulting someone who knows a bit more about advertising than, say, an amnesiatic badger, or whether you are selling your soul to a potential employer -- don't focus on features, kick the benefits.

For example, if you were selling a car, don't say, "V-12, 40,060hp" because this is not only random gibberish from people who like cars more than girls, but it is also a feature, not a benefit. The benefit would read, "Is faster than a rocket-propelled weasel" and/or "at top speeds, the wind will peel your eyelids off your skull." Now you're talking to me.

I suppose this would translate the "Our plumbers don't smell" to "One whiff of our plumbers won't melt all of your nostril hair." Still, I think if I was knee deep in raw sewage in my foyer, I wouldn't really care about the whiffiness of my savior. In fact, although I'm not in advertising, I would suggest leaning toward something like, "Will take care of your plumbing problem quickly and cheaply."

OK, that doesn't sing. How about, "Nobody takes care of your shit better than us"?

I'll keep working on it.
Centinel 2:34 PM #


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