The Musings of

Something full of magic, religion, bullsh*t.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

Friday night. I'm sitting on a barstool playing Word Dojo on the game machine. Word Dojo is a game where there are a bunch of balls with random letters on them and you have to hit connecting balls to form words. The more words, the higher your score. I'm mediocre at the game, but I can rock many of the other games on the system.

So, like I said, I'm sitting there, playing Word Dojo when this attractive red head sidles up next to me and says, "Centinel is damn near unbeatable on this thing." I reply, "Yeah, I saw he has some high scores." "Yeah," she says, "you pretty much have to team up with someone else to beat him." And away she walks.

It's not like I just won the Triple Crown, but the little scene was slightly amusing. Or so I thought. I finish my game at about 550,000 points. Not bad, but not great. The red head walks back up and challenges me to a game. As I had to use the little conservatives' room, I told her she could play my quarter. I come back a few minutes later and find her little hands flying all over the damn machine. The chick was a total ringer trying to sucker me into playing her. Not only does she beat me, but she DOUBLES my score. This guy leans over, her and says, "Oh, man, you're never going to get her off this game -- she's addicted." I do a doubletake and realize that the guy is the guitarist for Drowning Pool (who, incidentally, is one cool guy).

So I got my ass kicked on a word game by a heavy metal guitarist's girlfriend. Weak.

Saturday night. Same bar, different stool, joined by my wife. I'm talking to my wife when I hear the bartender say, "Don't make me come over this bar." This is one of those lines that tends to cut through the general buzz of conversation -- a red flag, if you will. The bartender is talking to some guy and girl standing behind me. The guy laughs and they both head for the door -- and here comes the bartender over the bar.

He follows them outside. A couple of minutes later I stick my head out on the street. There is a police van parked blocking the side street next to the bar. Two cops are jawing with the guy who walked out, while the bartender is standing to the side. Next thing I know, they've got the guy and the girl in cuffs and are loading them onto the van.

Here's what happened: Genius boy and his girl come into the bar. There is a sign on the door that clearly states that the restrooms are for customers only. The chick heads back for the restrooms and the bartender asks the guy what he wants. The guy says "nothing," and the bartender tells him he has to buy something to use the restroom. The moron says that the girl has the money. When she comes out, he heads for the door. Which is where I came in.

Here's a tip. If you are breaking your parole by leaving the state, and if you are very stoned, don't do stupid things to call attention to yourself, like walk on a tab. You may walk outside straight into the waiting arms of the local law enforcement officials who might just run your little name through their databases, and you could find yourself heading to jail for public intoxication and breaking parole.

All for the cost of a beer.
Centinel 11:57 AM #


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