The Musings of

Something full of magic, religion, bullsh*t.

Monday, September 19, 2005

A guy like you we used to take out back and beat with a rubber hose.

Do you ever get embarrassed for your gender? It's been happening to me quite a bit lately. Don't get me wrong, no one would ever refer to me as a "shrinking violet," a "goody two shoes," or a "compassionate person," but there are plenty of times where "guys being guys" makes me cringe.

For example, last week a guy called me into his office to show me some porn. Look, I like porn as much as the next guy, but I have no desire to sit around with other men and watch an Asian porn slideshow while at work. Hell, I'm pretty much over watching porn with other guys all together.

While I'm on the general subject, note to other male co-workers: I don't want to know about your sex life. Particularly if you are 40+ and have several teenagers. Look, it sucks that she, well, doesn't -- we all have our crosses to bear. But I have to sit next her at the firm Christmas party and make small talk.

I had another "Damn, men are douches" moment on Friday. I was sitting at my favorite beer dispensary with my lovely wife, when these two guys come in wearing striped shirts. One guy is about 5'6" and in his late 30s, and smells of Sports Stick, bourbon, and trouble. He's clearly an incredibly large tool on par with, say, an earthmover. He's also clearly drunk. Aggressively drunk. Lucky for him, his friend is younger, soberer, and much larger -- to the tune of 7-8 inches and 70 or so pounds.

I'm not really paying attention to ToolTime, but I do vaguely hear him say something to the bartender with the words "shot" and "waitress." The waitress, Savannah, is a well-endowed young lady. Well, she's not much of a lady, but she is well-endowed. When Savannah next walks by ToolTime, he stops her and asks her if she wants a shot. There's nothing particularly wrong with that. What was wrong is that the entire time he's talking, he's staring straight at her breasts. Savannah declines, and after ToolTime fails to find any other female takers, he and his friend leave.

Now, I realize this is a rather pointless incident, but it started a conversation between me and my wife the next day. I mentioned that, had I been an owner/bartender of the bar, I would have tossed the guy just for harassing my waitress. My wife felt that it would have been premature, especially since Savannah never complained. I was a bit surprised to find myself to the right of my wife on this issue. I went back to the bar on Saturday and mentioned the incident to Savannah, and she did inform me that the guy was a jerk, but all guys are jerks. Interestingly, my disapproval of the ogling must had led her to the mistaken notion that I have these "feelings" things, because, while she normally treats me like an skunk with gonorrhea, I was her "best buddy" for the rest of the evening.

Go figure.

I know it's not exactly a national news flash that a lot of men are dicks, but I would appreciate it if you could do it in your own environment, like sports and/or tiddy bars. If you're going to be an asshole yuppie, then congregate with other asshole yuppies. Don't come into a bar where I'm trying to drink.

I would also like to the add that this is just plain wrong.
Centinel 11:41 AM #


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