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Friday, July 01, 2005

Friday Spies ©: I hate question #5 edition

1. Is Tom Cruise correct that we're not alone in the universe?

I suppose that's safer that the question "Is Tom Cruise proof that we're not alone in the universe?" For the sake of discussion, I'm going to read the question to be asking about space aliens. The answer to the asked question is, as with most things said by Tom Terrific, "no."

Years ago I read Innumeracy by John Allen Paulos, in which he used math to look at interesting situations and theories, much like Steven Levitt did with economics in Freakonomics. In one of the chapters, Paulos explained using numbers and odds how astronomically small the chances are of sentient life developing on other planets and coming to Earth. As the last phrase denoted, the question being explored was whether we have been visited by space aliens, not whether they exist.

Logically, the latter is more probable than the former. Theoretically, life could have spawned on another world, evolved (if you believe that sort of thing), reached a level of technological knowledge far superior to our own, but the odds that they would have achieved all this and been at their civilizations zenith at this very moment, as opposed to 2 billion years ago, mastered faster than light travel, and came on over to make spirographs on a cornfield in Iowa is ludicrous.

Those who believe in space aliens have to use ignorance as their basis. Why have we never had a verified alien visit? Because, dude, they have, like, a cloaking device. Or maybe because we aren't "advanced" enough. The nearest star to the solar system is over 4 light years away. The closest planet is much farther than that. Why would aliens spend years to fly to Earth to anal probe some drunk redneck? Because, man, they have, like, faster-than-light drive and can get here in, like, seconds.

It's all crap. We're a freakish anomaly. Live with it.

2. What is a fashion trend that you would like to see go away, and what is a fashion you would like to see come back in style?

Go away? Where do I start? Right now, I'm stuck on the stupidity of the faux hawk. Or if that's not "fashion" enough for you, I'm looking forward to the death of idiots wearing basketball jerseys over t-shirts. What's that all about, anyway? Every weekend, without fail, I see a group of out of shape guys all sporting this "look" -- not to play basketball, mind you, but to hit a bar and, presumably, to try to score. I say, be brave. Quit hiding your feelings and start sporting that wife beater.

What do I want to come back in fashion? Daisy Dukes. And I'm clearly about to get my wish.

3. I was going to ask what city will win next week's vote on the host of the 2012 Olympics, but everyone knows it's going to be Paris, so I decided to tweak it: What city that you have visited (or lived in) would be a good Olympic host city, and why?

I want to see Daytona Beach land a Winter Olympics, because (1) sports are all about challenge and (2) I hate the friggin' cold.

4. Happy Canada Day to our readers in the Great White North! In light of that holiday, and our own upcoming Independence Day, tell us your favorite Independence Day memory. (And yes, those of you in other nations can use whatever national holiday you celebrate.)

I think it has to be the year that we rounded up all the British people in town and hanged them. Go America!!!

Actually, my fond July 4th memories concerned my family reunions at Lake Sinclair in Georgia. Good food, good family, skiing and bottle rocket fights. Isn't that what our boys froze their asses off for at Valley Forge?

5. The Supreme Court ruled this week on one set of commandments, but we want to hear yours. What are the Ten Commandments of [X]? Pick a topic and reveal its ten most important rules. Phrasings with "shalt" appreciated but not required.

Man, is it me or have these #5 questions been a complete asswhip lately? Yeah, this is going to have to wait. But as Zod as my witness, I will answer it!
 
Centinel 4:09 PM #

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