Friday, June 17, 2005
Friday Spies ©: Spring has sprung edition
1. Which relationship will last longer, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie ("Brangelina"), or Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes ("TomKat")?
I think anyone who knows their Bible can answer that question.
Hezekiah 2:1-5
1: In the latter days one shall rise from the ranks of a false god who wrote bad fiction. He shall be short and his nose big, but he will be beloved of many women and sodomites for the intensity he brings to the screen.
2: And lo, he shall take a much younger, cuter but less talented woman as his wife, and from her loins shall spring the Evil One.
3: And they shall name the Evil One, Hubbard, and he shall grow straight of teeth and short of stature.
4: Verily, the Evil One shall bring upon the earth 1,000 years of pain, suffering and misery, for during that time, flies will feed upon the flesh of the innocent, their noses will often run with mucus, the knowledge of daylight savings time will be lost from the minds of men, and many will forget their own phone numbers.
5: The parents of the Evil One will live long and shall spread the venom of their false god to the stupid and susceptible like seeds are sown among the cow turds.
Amen.
2. Less importantly, which will have nuclear bombs first, North
Korea or Iran?
I think that the competition will be fierce in this battle between two top competitors. In the end, however, I believe that North Korea will be the first to get a nuclear weapon, and think it will most likely come air mail from a silo somewhere in South Dakota.
3. What is your dream car? A silver 1957 Mercedes-Benz 300SL Gullwing. With mounted machine guns and booster rockets.
4. What book have you read the most times?
Hell, it's probably something like "The Little Engine that Could" or some other kiddie book that I read 600+ times a day for about two months when I was 3, until I moved on to sticking things up my nose. I don't often reread real books because, well, I've already read the book and there are a googolplex of literary masterpieces out there I haven't yet consumed. That said, I have read Watership Down 4 or 5 times since I was 7ish, and the LOTR series 6 or 7 times during that period. I also no longer stick things up my nose. Mostly.
5. Are you a matchmaker?
More of a flamethrower, actually. Before this year, I would have said "no" due to my strict policy of not involving myself in the personal lives of myself or others. Unfortunately for my policy, I accidentally introduced one of my oldest and best friends (male) to one of my closest law school friends (female), and now they decided to haul off and get hitched. They want to give me the credit for this turn of events, but I don't want it because with it comes the responsibility when they get a divorce down the line and they are feuding over who gets the stupid wagonwheel coffee table.
I think anyone who knows their Bible can answer that question.
Hezekiah 2:1-5
1: In the latter days one shall rise from the ranks of a false god who wrote bad fiction. He shall be short and his nose big, but he will be beloved of many women and sodomites for the intensity he brings to the screen.
2: And lo, he shall take a much younger, cuter but less talented woman as his wife, and from her loins shall spring the Evil One.
3: And they shall name the Evil One, Hubbard, and he shall grow straight of teeth and short of stature.
4: Verily, the Evil One shall bring upon the earth 1,000 years of pain, suffering and misery, for during that time, flies will feed upon the flesh of the innocent, their noses will often run with mucus, the knowledge of daylight savings time will be lost from the minds of men, and many will forget their own phone numbers.
5: The parents of the Evil One will live long and shall spread the venom of their false god to the stupid and susceptible like seeds are sown among the cow turds.
Amen.
2. Less importantly, which will have nuclear bombs first, North
Korea or Iran?
I think that the competition will be fierce in this battle between two top competitors. In the end, however, I believe that North Korea will be the first to get a nuclear weapon, and think it will most likely come air mail from a silo somewhere in South Dakota.
3. What is your dream car? A silver 1957 Mercedes-Benz 300SL Gullwing. With mounted machine guns and booster rockets.
4. What book have you read the most times?
Hell, it's probably something like "The Little Engine that Could" or some other kiddie book that I read 600+ times a day for about two months when I was 3, until I moved on to sticking things up my nose. I don't often reread real books because, well, I've already read the book and there are a googolplex of literary masterpieces out there I haven't yet consumed. That said, I have read Watership Down 4 or 5 times since I was 7ish, and the LOTR series 6 or 7 times during that period. I also no longer stick things up my nose. Mostly.
5. Are you a matchmaker?
More of a flamethrower, actually. Before this year, I would have said "no" due to my strict policy of not involving myself in the personal lives of myself or others. Unfortunately for my policy, I accidentally introduced one of my oldest and best friends (male) to one of my closest law school friends (female), and now they decided to haul off and get hitched. They want to give me the credit for this turn of events, but I don't want it because with it comes the responsibility when they get a divorce down the line and they are feuding over who gets the stupid wagonwheel coffee table.
Centinel 1:12 PM #