Friday, May 20, 2005
Friday Spies ©: "Would You Rather?" Edition
BTQ asks, I answer. It's that simple. Today's questions: Would you rather . . .
1. Live alone on a deserted island for 10 years or be paid handsomely to live at Neverland Ranch with the King of Pop for one year?
OK, this is a no brainer for several reasons. True, I'd have to deal with MJ, which has got to be tremendously annoying, but I'm not overly concerned about his advances considering that I'm twice his size and 3 times as old as his, um, target audience. I can't see what would be the downside here -- free rides, animals, creepy Peter Pan-like pedophiles -- just like home. And I get paid! Sweet.
Now, about that deserted island, while it would be nice to get away from everyone for a year or ten, I imagine that the whole "balancing on the edge of survival" thing would get rather old. Not only that, but it's got to be a lot of work, and I'm relatively lazy. Finally, I wear contacts, and therefore I'd be seriously blind if stranded a thousands of miles away from a good no-rub solution. Which segues nicely into the next question . . .
2. Be deaf or blind?
Also not close. I adore my hearing, but it's a matter of functionality. You can effectively function without hearing, but if you're blind, you're severely limited in your activity. You can't watch TV, or run and play like the other children. No more sports. No more porn. And, if I were deaf I would finally be able to date Fran Dresher.
If my wife lets me, that is.
3. Have skin which changed color depending on your mood or visible sight lines?
Can I have both? I'm gonna go with color shifting, although that's a pretty craptastic power. Of course, I hope that each time I get happy I don't turn purple and then have to rely on the Oompa-Loompas to take me to the juicing room.
4. Spend a year in prison or a year on tour with Celine Dion and John Tesh?
Yet another reason to prefer deafness to blindness. While I certainly don't enjoy their "music," I strongly suspect that I would enjoy potential sphincter stretching even more. Once again, an easy call. Especially when you consider that Connie Sellecca might be hanging around. Hubba-hubba.
5. Have threesome with your close friends or with total strangers?
I don't play golf.
I guess it all depends. Are they perfect strangers? Because I always had a man crush on Cousin Larry.
6. Question that should have been asked: Would you rather spend a year in prison or have a threesome with Celine Dion and John Tesh?
1. Live alone on a deserted island for 10 years or be paid handsomely to live at Neverland Ranch with the King of Pop for one year?
OK, this is a no brainer for several reasons. True, I'd have to deal with MJ, which has got to be tremendously annoying, but I'm not overly concerned about his advances considering that I'm twice his size and 3 times as old as his, um, target audience. I can't see what would be the downside here -- free rides, animals, creepy Peter Pan-like pedophiles -- just like home. And I get paid! Sweet.
Now, about that deserted island, while it would be nice to get away from everyone for a year or ten, I imagine that the whole "balancing on the edge of survival" thing would get rather old. Not only that, but it's got to be a lot of work, and I'm relatively lazy. Finally, I wear contacts, and therefore I'd be seriously blind if stranded a thousands of miles away from a good no-rub solution. Which segues nicely into the next question . . .
2. Be deaf or blind?
Also not close. I adore my hearing, but it's a matter of functionality. You can effectively function without hearing, but if you're blind, you're severely limited in your activity. You can't watch TV, or run and play like the other children. No more sports. No more porn. And, if I were deaf I would finally be able to date Fran Dresher.
If my wife lets me, that is.
3. Have skin which changed color depending on your mood or visible sight lines?
Can I have both? I'm gonna go with color shifting, although that's a pretty craptastic power. Of course, I hope that each time I get happy I don't turn purple and then have to rely on the Oompa-Loompas to take me to the juicing room.
4. Spend a year in prison or a year on tour with Celine Dion and John Tesh?
Yet another reason to prefer deafness to blindness. While I certainly don't enjoy their "music," I strongly suspect that I would enjoy potential sphincter stretching even more. Once again, an easy call. Especially when you consider that Connie Sellecca might be hanging around. Hubba-hubba.
5. Have threesome with your close friends or with total strangers?
I don't play golf.
I guess it all depends. Are they perfect strangers? Because I always had a man crush on Cousin Larry.
6. Question that should have been asked: Would you rather spend a year in prison or have a threesome with Celine Dion and John Tesh?
Centinel 2:07 PM #