The Musings of

Something full of magic, religion, bullsh*t.

Monday, April 04, 2005

You have the right, but not the ability, to remain silent

A few years ago I busted my lower lip in a manner too stupid to go into here. Actually, it was about 1/3" below my bottom lip where the tooth had almost gone all of the way through. I had returned to law school to meet a few friends for a private 4th of July, and they were all waiting for me to show up at the restaurant when this happened. I remember standing in front of the bathroom mirror spreading the cut and closing it, trying to decide if it was bad enough to merit stitches. I finally quit deluding myself and went to the rather small local hospital that was only about a mile away. I won't bore you with the medical details, but something amusing happened while I was there. The emergency room had two beds and a divider curtain. While I was being prepped and stitched, another patient was brought to the other bed. A few minutes later, a local cop came in and the following discussion ensued:

Country Cop: Don't worry about it, I talked to the guy and he said you can leave your truck in his front yard for a couple of days. You hit that tree pretty hard, but it should be OK. I am gonna have to ask you a few questions, though.

Drunk Redneck: OK, if you have to.

CC: Did you have anything to drink tonight?

DR: Yeah.

CC: What did you drink?

DR: Beer.

CC: How many did you have?

DR: Probably 3 or 4.

CC: Tall boys?

DR: Yeah.

CC: Well, that's not too bad for a guy you’re size. I’m gonna need you to take a little test for me.

DR: What kinda test?

CC: Its just a little breathalyzer, but if you only had a few beers it should be fine.

It takes about 3 minutes for CC to get DR to blow hard and long enough to register. Finally . . .

CC: Well, it say's here that your blood alcohol content is .022 and that's a lot more than 3 or 4 beers.

Me: (thinking to myself) Shutup, shutup, shutup . . .

DR: (sobbing) I'm goin' to jail, ain't I?

I was able to get a good look at DR's leg on the way out (it's all I could see) and judging from that ham hock, he was a large boy. I still crack up when I think about the cop and the guy who's yard he ran into talking about leaving the truck there. Only in the country.
Centinel 5:19 PM #


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