The Musings of

Something full of magic, religion, bullsh*t.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

An open letter

Dear Mr. President:

Congratulations on your victory. Throughout your campaign you stuck to your themes and never wavered. The American people have responded by granting you the first majority of both the electoral college and popular vote in 16 years.

Not to put a crimp in your moment of glory, but I would like to caution you from reading too much into the results. A narrow win against an undistinguished Senator who had the most liberal voting record in the Senate coupled with a complete lack of charisma can hardly be called a "mandate." In fact, you should have begun your victory speech by thanking the Democrats for nominating the human equivalent of a fat softball pitch to be your opponent in this election. Hell, even Michael Dukakis had the (completely fabricated) "Massachusetts Miracle" to tout when he ran against your father. What did Kerry have? Some medals? A really rich wife? First place trophy in the Boris Karloff look alike contest?

Of course, you weren't exactly loaded for bear, were you? We know that you have made the world safer for Iraqis, but I can't imagine that many of them voted in this election. I can't help but wonder what you would have run on had 9/11 not taken place. McCain-Feingold? No Child Left Behind? Medicare Prescription Drug Act? I can only assume that at the time these "accomplishments" were the result of hypnosis -- or perhaps you were just young and naive and were taken advantage of by the snake oil salesman over on Capitol Hill.

Whatever the case, realize that you won in spite of your "compassionate conservative" spending, certainly not because of it. In fact, most of the beneficiaries of your largesse were huge supporters of your opponent (of course, I could have told you that when you signed the bills).

Yes, despite your infidelities, we conservative Americans have allowed you back into our beds. We are so desperate to have someone around to mow the grass and set the VCR clock (DVD clock?) that we are willing to believe you when you say your cheating days are through, secretly knowing that we'll find that tell-tell lipstick stain on your collar when you begin establishing your "legacy."

Therefore, we, the dyed-in-the-wool traditional conservatives ask but two simple things of you for our continued ankle grabbing: (1) please, please, appoint solid conservative Supreme Court justices (don't pull a "Souter") and (2) do nothing. That's right, nada, zip, zilch. No new entitlement spending initiatives, no so-called "campaign reform," no new government agencies, no new regulations, no increased appropriations to the NEA, DOE or any other agency for that matter. I know trimming government is difficult, but if you can't accomplish that, all we want is for you to quit fattening the public cow by a constant influx of increased spending.

What you need to do is simple -- when some social engineering plan comes to your desk, root around in the bottom of your drawer and find that big stamp that says "VETO." Then roll that sucker in ink, 40-wt motor oil, or the blood of John Ashcroft and plant that sucker firmly onto the legislation.

All I'm asking, Sir, is that you try new things, like saying "No." If you can do that, then I'll take care of your legacy.

Your new friend,
Centinel 4:14 PM #


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